Bald Knob, Arkansas & Other Strange Tales

Bald Knob, Arkansas & Other Strange Tales

“Bald Knob, Arkansas” is a collection of 7 short stories. “Minnie Tushi Meets Her Love in Bald Knob” is the second short story. It is about finding love. “Bob the Road Painter” is about solitude, “Bob and the Dickheads” is about a musical family, “An Ordinary Man” is about workplace stress, “The Dumb Clucks Who Caused All The Trouble” is about family relationships, “Sal Acious meets Tim Orous” is about desiring love, “The Beautiful Ms. Ann Thrope” is also about desiring love but with a tinge of jealousy thrown in.

Available now for $0.99:
Amazon Kindle Edition:

Apple iTunes iBook Edition:

https://itunes.apple.com/ca/book/bald-knob-arkansas-other-strange/id983774404

Barnes & Noble Nook Book Edition:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bald-knob-arkansas-other-strange-tales-ted-summerfield/1121714834
Kobo/Chapters Indio Kobo Edition:

http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/en-ca/books/bald-knob-arkansas-other-strange/9781927418246-item.html

Smashwords:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/533753

 

Puns for Educated Minds

A selection of ‘Puns for Educated Minds’ emailed to me. No source for puns provided in email, which is probably a good thing after reading some of them.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

When chemists die, apparently they barium.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off !

BC Premier Christy Clark admits she does not read newspapers or watch TV or have any friends who do

christyclarkRolfHarris

BC Premier Christy Clark experienced another of her ‘forgetful’ moments when she admitted to reporters she hadn’t kept up with anything related to Rolf Harris since she was much younger; nothing in the newspapers, on the radio or TV about the charges and later conviction of child molestation by Harris, or even chatter amongst her friends and acquaintances about Rolf Harris being charged and convicted. Her admission(1) comes shortly after she tweeted the above picture of her holding a Rolf Harris album.

Yup, the Premier of BC has no friends, doesn’t watch TV news, nor does she listen to any news on a radio. Just goes to prove ignorance is bliss.

Or, she could simply be experiencing another of her political promise malfunctions.

Premier Christy Clark, who promised to rescind the park fees during the B.C. Liberal leadership contest in 2011, reportedly said the lost revenue won’t result in a cut to the parks budget. But shortly after being elected her Liberal government raised camping fees by up to $5 per night. The fee hikes vary by site, but the increase for the “vast majority” is $2 per night. She must have forgotten what she said earlier during her election campaign.

Christy Clark has such a reputation for political promise malfunctions that the National Post had a headline stating “B.C. premier Christy Clark’s baffling campaign strategy is to misinform, mislead and make up stuffhttp://news.nationalpost.com/full-comment/brian-hutchinson-b-c-premier-christy-clarks-baffling-campaign-strategy-is-to-misinform-mislead-and-make-up-stuff

You know, Christy might well be onto something with this political promise forgetfulness of hers. With reporters writing an article like the one in the National Post above Christy may well be better off living in her own dream world.

(1) http://bc.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=583653

British researchers discover average penis size

penisLength

Just how large is the average penis? The findings of a recently released study has a definitive answer.

The study, “Am I normal? A systematic review and construction of nomograms for flaccid and erect penis length and circumference in up to 15,521 men”, was published by BJU International in March, and found that an average flaccid penis is 9.16 centimetres (3.61 inches) in length with a girth of 9.31 centimetres (3.67 inches).

The average erect penis measures 13.12 centimetres (5.17 inches) long and 11.66 centimetres (4.59 inches) around.

The study concludes shoe size isn’t an indicator of anything other than big feet.

Pet killer arrested for breaching probation

pet killer

Pet killer Kayla Bourque, who a judge has described as “psychopathic” and a “sexual sadist,” was arrested Thursday for allegedly breaching conditions of her release from jail.

In 2013, B.C. Corrections issued a rare public notification to alert the public that Bourque had been released from jail with plans to live in Vancouver.

Bourque has offended violently against both people and animals and is considered high risk to re-offend, according to the Ministry of Justice.

She was arrested in March 2012 after she boasted of disemboweling and dismembering her cat and told a friend she fantasized about shooting a homeless person or killing someone in residence at Simon Fraser University.

Reading this story about Bourque reminds me of two other dog killers, Brian Whitlock and Liz Summerfield.

Brian Whitlock was sent to jail for beating his dog and leaving him for dead in a dumpster in 2012. A couple of years later Whitlock was charged with murder of woman at her Dunbar home

The other dog killer, Liz Summerfield, escaped charges. She simply lied to the South Burnaby Veterinary Hospital when she told them the dog with her had been ordered by the Post Office to be put down because the dog had bitten a postal worker. The Post Office never ordered the dog put down.
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Liz Summerfield had the family dog put to death during a series of court orders demanding she turn over to the divorce court bank records as to what she had done with the very large amount of money she’d removed from their joint accounts just prior to her filing for divorce. She refused to comply with any of the multiple court orders.
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Liz had removed the dog from the family home prior to her husband being served divorce papers. She refused to allow him to see his dog or any of the other two dogs she removed. The dog she killed was a Rottweiler/German Shepard cross her husband had rescued from the New Westminster Animal Shelter.
Special place in hell for those who harm children and animals
Liz instructs children throughout the lower mainland of British Columbia including Burnaby, Coquitlam, New Westminster, Maple Ridge, Port Moody, Whistler, Vancouver, in a variety of different art like puppetry, papier mache, heritage hat making, or other art forms. She may also be offering public speaking courses throughout the lower mainland.
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Letter written by lawyer for dog owner to the BCSPCA alerting them of the death of the family pet. https://punzhupuzzles.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/dog-killer-liz-summerfield/
A story about the divorce is available here.

 

Blue Heron Cam in Vancouver, BC

heroncam

One of North America’s largest urban colonies of Pacific great blue herons is in Vancouver, BC. The Heron Cam is a window on the world of these magnificent birds from courtship through egg laying, until the grown chicks fledge in late summer.

Stanley Park is home to one of North America’s largest urban heron colonies and the camera will take viewers right inside their nests in the trees near the park board’s head office at 2099 Beach Avenue.

Last year the heron colony had 116 nests and produced 131 fledgling herons. Herons have been nesting in the park since at least 1921.

There are about 4,000 to 5,000 herons in Canada and the Pacific great blue heron has been designated a “special concern” under the Species at Risk Act.

Here is the link to the City of Vancouver’s Heron Cam. Viewing during daylight hours, pacific time…. http://vancouver.ca/parks-recreation-culture/heron-cam.aspx

Shaw issue update

Shaw and I have agreed upon a reasonable resolution to problems which occurred when I moved; a discount for a period of time and a commitment by Shaw to ” coach our representative who transferred your services in January, as we should be checking for e-mail addresses and Webspaces to move during the transfer process.  We do want to treat our customer’s information with the highest level of care, as seemingly small oversights can lead to situations such as this.  We have forwarded a notice to the supervisor of the representative who handled this transfer, so this can serve as an opportunity to improve their service going forward.”

It is my hope that Shaw coaches all service representatives so the situation I went through won’t happen to anyone else.

My covers of all my ebooks have not been recoverable on Shaw servers and I’m now considering other storage options so cover images will be displayed once again on this site on a more permanent basis.

It is unfortunate this series of errors occurred during my move. I’ve had great service from Shaw during the past 40+ years I’ve been with them but, like actors or businesspeople, a reputation is only as good as your last performance.

In the end the resolution with Shaw was fair to both parties.